InsomniaThere's a party in my headAs I close my eyes to sleep.Little creatures and monsters,Oh, back and forth they creep.On silent tip-toes they walk,Playing melodies in my mind.Finding caverns I have closed,Putting my life on rewind.My mind is somewhere else,But in vain I toss and turn.Little goblins man the lights,And the ghosts try to learn.It's all a big, loud, unruly mess,This untamed party in my head.I try and shut them down,But back and forth they tread.I'm never going to get any sleepAs long as they're awake.They take my tired thoughtsDown every path they can take.Oh, what would I give to haveOne silent and sleep-filled night.But that will never happen,Although I wish with all my might.There's a party in my headAs I close my eyes to sleep.Only when the sun comes upDo they never make a peep.
InvisibleI'm invisible,Everyone knows that.I have not a presence,I have not a voice,I have not a reality,I'm just not there.It really isn't fun,Because my emotionsAre ignored,My ideas, my thoughts,Are discarded,My body, my being,Is pushed around.Maybe if ICould open my mouth,Could make myself talk,Could make my Presence known,I would be seen.But I cant,So I'll disappear,Go back to my world,And not speak,Not show emotion,And be invisible Again.
To YouTo the girl I sawWith the sad, sad eyes.To the boy I metWho wasn't allowed to cry.To the man I sawWho was falsely accused.To the woman I metWho was badly abused.This is my ode to youFor you live on despite it.I'm so proud of youFor you can still fight it.The world is against you,But it's not your fault.It's just the way This world was taught.So live on, live on,Don't you give up here.It gets better later,The light is near.I believe in you,I know you can make it.I'll reach out my hand,If you need it, just take it.You're special, You're important,You're not invisible,You exist, And you'll be fine.
She's A StarShe's like a star.From earth,The star is calm,So beautiful, so serine.But in realityIt's exploding,It's not calm at all.That's her,Outside, she's'Okay, good, great,'But insideShe's collapsing.
Can I?I told himI loved him,And that IWanted himTo be happy.But can IReally sayI'm okayWhen he looksAt herWith loveIn his eyes?
UnspokenFor the loveI never shared.For the thingsI'll never tell.For all the secretsBig and small.For the timesI ignored the calls.For all the wordsI left unspoken.I'm now drowningIn my emotions.
She's a WriterShe sits at her deskHer headphones in,The world shut out.She bleeds for othersAs words fly from Her mind to her fingertips.She stares at the screen,At every little comment,The good and the painful.She forms her emotionsInto books and poemsTo throw away the hurt.She's a writer,And her best weaponsAre her mind and her pen.
UntitledEvery little breathSeems like an eternityWhen I'm beside you.You're like a furnace,Breathing heat intoMy heart that froze over.
She CaredShe said she didn't careAnd that she didn't love him,But when he called her upCrying, she caved,And he took anotherPiece of her heart away
Suicidal LullabyDon't cry now baby,you're almost dead.The tears are flowingfrom what they've said.Rivulets of redfrom wrists you've slit.You had tried so hard,but couldn't quit.You're all alone now;your friends have gone.Your heartbeat's slowing;you won't see dawn.Your life fades awaywith ev'ry breath.You are too far goneto escape death.Wipe away your tears,and be at peace.You're so close tofinal release.
A Nail In My HeartIn my heart There's a nailProtruding longOutside its core,In my hand There's a hammerLeaving me a choiceTo pull the nail freeOr leave it to restIn the center of my soul.And this nailHowever deeply it stabsOr loosely it trapsThe litter of dreamsAnd hopes I've trapped inside,Gathering them together To be displayed likeA dying tribute To a once loved species,A once treasured creation,Decides my fateAnd traps my destiny.And though I know the nailNeeds to be removedTo release my heartOf its futile struggleTo hold a collectionOf dying memories, Every time I feel the nail loosenAs I've grown to older,Less naive,Less hopeful,Every time I grab that hammerAnd smash it against That obvious futilit
I Saw a Burning ManIn front of my house, he sat.Skin burnt off, now charred and black.Hesitantly, I walked outside.And he followed me with his watery eyes.With steps as nimble as the snow,I hid my fear and continued to go.Now before him, the Burning Man.I kindly offered him my shaky hand.No malice nor vice leaked off of him,rather sadness and agony which simmered below his skin.I could feel it around me, the pain and despair,yet, physically the man was nearly repaired.For his scorched skin was not his problem,instead the bottled emotions that devoured all of him.“Would you like to come inside sir, and stay?”In which he replied by looking away.Again I asked, and received no reply,and was startled when the man began to cry.Unsure of what to do, I walked away,Yet I’ll never forget what happened that day.Be it from pain, or mute, or undisclosed desires,I watched as the man was engulfed in fire.I stood back in awe, with my mouth agape,and feared that he had fallen into
KidsWe're just kids, that grew up too fast.Due to expectations and isolations.Adaptations, illustrations, separations.It's not how it used to be.I wonder will it last?One words replies,No surprise,Now it's lies, cries, guys and skinny thighs.Oh I despise, but I'll advise,Do not trust a soul.Blasting music in our ears,Hiding from the sneers and leers,They're picking on the queers.Aren't they our peers?Alone, and other feelings I've never known.Upgrade your phone.Dye your hair a darker tone.Wear cologne and dig the drone.Welcome to the cool zone.Background chatter,Break and clatter.Always saying,"I'm fine." or "it doesn't matter."Am I flatter or fatter?Definitely the latter.Watch my heart shatter,And the pieces scatter.Cause we're just kids, who grew up too fast.Due to expirations and deprivations.Situations, innovations, realizations.It's not like it used to be.Now we're an outcast.
ShatteredIf I found you, on your knees,trying desperately to collect the shattered pieces of your heart-I would kneel beside you and help you pick them up.I would not cast a blind eye,and pretend I had not seen you.If I saw that your hands had been cut,by the very shards of hope you were trying so hard to gather-I would take your hands in mine, and hold them until the pain subsided.Then I would kiss every wound- no matter how big or how small,until I was sure you would be able to use your hands again.If you were crying from the fear that you'd never be able to pick up everything,I would hold you until your tears stopped, and I would comfort you with gentle words.But I would not lie to you- I would never lie.The heart is a frail thing- once shattered, it can never be fully repaired.Parts will remain missing, and the mended hope will always bear cracks.If we found that we'd gathered all that we were able,and that there were a fine powder remaining of what we could not collect.I w
Nothing But A PuppetI am nothing but a puppet,A thing that you control.A simple wooden toy,I do not have a soul.I am nothing but a puppet,Someone to do your bidding.Your demands from my body,Relentless, unforgiving.I am nothing but a puppet,Your fingers pull my strings.They pull in all directions,Twisting, tangling.I am nothing but a puppet,My strings down by my sides,Trailing closely right behind me,My eternally bounding ties.
Yeah.Yeah, I've got some problems––let's call them, endearing.Yeah, I've got some fears––let's call them, quirky.Yeah, I've got some faults––let's call them, charming.Yeah, I make some mistakes––let's call them, character.You can romanticize it all you want, I'm still fucked up––but hey, that's personality.© Rocio Belinda Mendez
A Darkness so DeepThere cold so deep that it needs more than heatA cold that goes beyond your skinIn your bones and in your soulWhen the wind has frozen you for so longNot even fire can warm youThere an exhaustion so heavy that it needs more than sleepWhen you’ve gone without sleepWithout rest and without breakFor so long you knowThat not even a day aloneWill keep it from weighing you downThere is a loneliness so strong that it needs more than loveA strange feeling that persistsDespite friends despite familyIt lives so long you’ve forgottenWhat it’s like to have a friendAnd even with those you loveA line is drawn, a connection cannot be hadThere is a sadness so pure that it needs more than joyWhen even on the brightest dayAnd in your greatest momentsA smile feels faked, with nothingBut a cold emptiness insideLike a sepulchrePainted in the brightest coloursA perfect face you showA forced smile will come too easyAffection you do not feel,Warmth that is never t
No MoreHe can't chase her demons anymore.they're running him into the ground,as he seeks her in shadows.Every time she lets him in,Hell takes her from behind...and swallows her whole.Left crushing the ashes of what was,between desperate fingertipsas the disillusionment chuckles in the corner.She cries "save me,"but he can't walk those weary miles, and what's more;she doesn't really want him to.Wavering in and out, always just beyond reach.......mirage oasis dancing on a dark horizon,weeping for want of water.He turns to look at the Road behind,realizing he's lost his own way in seeking hers,berated and bumbling from the Beaten Path.So when you turn around and he's not there,you won't know why at first......you might cry...but it'll come to you.And as the wind kisses your cheeks,while the monsters mumble in your mind......remember me.
The Kind of PersonI’m the kind of personWho would kill to rememberBut would die to forget;Who has done awful thingsBut finds solace in regret.I’m the kind of personWho doesn’t like peopleBut is desperate for friends;Who loves new beginningsBut fears oncoming ends.I’m the kind of personWho aches to be lovedBut knows love is a lie;Who wants to feel aliveBut is longing to die.I’m the kind of personWho dreams of a futureBut is stuck in the past;Who always plays to winBut is eternally last.I'm the kind of personWho smiles at the sunBut is burning with cold;Who wants to stay youngBut is already too old.I’m the kind of personWho expects the worstBut tries to keep hope;Who is good with a bladeBut will end it with rope.
Another Fallen OneThere was a lady on telly today,Talking from a land far away;Her kid had died,Torn apart from the inside.The kid had hung herself in the family bathroom.The lady was crying,You could hear her heart dyingAnd mine did too.I could've been that kid,What with all the things I didAnd my family could've been her;Left with nothing but despair.I envy the kidFor doing what she did.I thank the kid,Making me think about what I nearly did.I mourn the kid,Gone because of what others did.Don't ever think you wouldn't be missed,Because there's always that personWho'll miss you,Praying you'll pull throughUntil memories of your smile is all they have.
Asperger SyndromeAsperger Syndrome is awesome.Asperger Syndrome is cool.Asperger Syndrome rocks.People with Asperger Syndrome are sweet but not that outgoing.People with Asperger Syndrome have their interests.People with Asperger Syndrome have their pet peeves too.People with Asperger Syndrome are quirky.People with Asperger Syndrome sometimes have other problems too.People with Asperger Syndrome have feelings.People with Asperger Syndrome are people too.
Take It All Away.There’s a tear between each smile and a fracture on my heartAnd a thousand feelings breaking me and tearing me apartKnowing when it’s over I may lose my sanityEmbrace the mess I am and the storm inside of meIn the dark I have a chance to fight away my problemsTo ignore them all away instead of trying to solve themAll I saw when I looked back was a mass of insecurityLaying waste to who I am and ripping at the seamLowering my already non-existent self-esteemAnd I couldn’t help admitting I’m a self-made failureWalking a broken path as a second-hand saviorAnd it all adds up to nothing; me in a nutshellYanking on the chain that tethers me to hell…
Turning PointWhen I was a kidI thought that ‘gay’ was just an insultAnd as a resultI cried when a big kid called me it.When I was a tweenMy teacher said she was worried about two guysWho always locked eyesAnd I didn’t get why she was wrong to say it.When I was a teenI went on the internet and found out it allWhen I started to fallFor both boys and girls and I didn’t get why.When I was a teenI made out with a girl from my schoolIt was pretty coolBut I was too scared to tell anyone.When I’m an adultI’m gonna tell my kids that it’s okayTo be bi or trans or gayOr any other orientationBecause, well, it is.
It Isn't BeautifulI used to cut myself.Some of the marks faded,But some stayedAnd now I’m forever jaded.People have kissed my scars,Others have turned awayBut here is what I have to say;It isn’t beautiful.When it hurts to walkBecause your thighs are bleeding,When you can’t talkAbout the help you’re needing;It isn’t beautiful.When it’s boiling outsideBut you have to wear sleevesBecause of your bloody littleReprieves;It isn’t beautiful.When your friendsAre scared of you,For you,Of the things you do;It isn’t beautiful.When you feel so worthless,So down and out,Used up and empty,And all you do is shoutBut nobody hears,Because you silence itWith sleeves;It isn’t beautiful.When they find outAnd you see how much,How deeply they careAnd they hate themselvesFor not being aware;It isn’t beautiful.When they take it away,And monitor youAnd you’re itching all over,Desperate for it,For one last hitAnd you
True HappinessHappiness isn’t about your deepest wishes coming trueNeither is it about getting what you want when you want it.It’s about appreciating all you have, while you still can.Happiness is more than just a chemical reaction in our brains.It is pure to the core, uncontaminated by passion or appetite.Happiness is simplicity - finding the beauty in the little things in life,The things that mean more to us than anything else in the entire world.Happiness is, above all, a necessity of life.Nobody can ever be truly void of joy, and if you beg to differJust know, that sometimesIt takes getting everything you’ve ever wantedAnd then losing it allTo know what true happiness is.
I Apologize For My ArtI apologize for my poetryFor its utter lack of sincerityFor taking and stating viewsThat no one even asked of meThat ,though my words try their hardestThat they'll never understand The pain they try to express...The feelings they make blandThrough my attempts to describeThe tears that I'll never cry,The small fears placedUpon the wings of fliesIn the hope they can be swatted away.I apologize for my poetryFor its utter inability To protect you from its own fallacies.I apologize for my artFor its utter lack of heartIt asks for to believe in itBegs for you to love its messageAnd offers to comfort youAnd advise you on damageIt could never truly know,And for that I apologize.But I won't apologize for trying...I won't apologize for trying to understandFor trying to transcribe their ink dripped hearts.I won't apologize for tryingTo use my words to try And empathize with that young girl With bottle of pillsTrying to think a reason not t
I'm left with hope.I know it happened once, but it left me scarredI won't give up, but I'm still afraidBut I will be brave, I just hope it won't happen againBecause I'm not sure I'll be able to handle the painIt feels like all I can do is hope, for the best days.
The OutcastHe stands aloneOver in the corner,Watching the othersAs they only ignore him.She stands aloneIn the girls stall,Tears in her eyes As she tries to calm down.They stand alone,Outside the crowd,Watching the worldGo by without them.