InsomniaThere's a party in my headAs I close my eyes to sleep.Little creatures and monsters,Oh, back and forth they creep.On silent tip-toes they walk,Playing melodies in my mind.Finding caverns I have closed,Putting my life on rewind.My mind is somewhere else,But in vain I toss and turn.Little goblins man the lights,And the ghosts try to learn.It's all a big, loud, unruly mess,This untamed party in my head.I try and shut them down,But back and forth they tread.I'm never going to get any sleepAs long as they're awake.They take my tired thoughtsDown every path they can take.Oh, what would I give to haveOne silent and sleep-filled night.But that will never happen,Although I wish with all my might.There's a party in my headAs I close my eyes to sleep.Only when the sun comes upDo they never make a peep.
InvisibleI'm invisible,Everyone knows that.I have not a presence,I have not a voice,I have not a reality,I'm just not there.It really isn't fun,Because my emotionsAre ignored,My ideas, my thoughts,Are discarded,My body, my being,Is pushed around.Maybe if ICould open my mouth,Could make myself talk,Could make my Presence known,I would be seen.But I cant,So I'll disappear,Go back to my world,And not speak,Not show emotion,And be invisible Again.
To YouTo the girl I sawWith the sad, sad eyes.To the boy I metWho wasn't allowed to cry.To the man I sawWho was falsely accused.To the woman I metWho was badly abused.This is my ode to youFor you live on despite it.I'm so proud of youFor you can still fight it.The world is against you,But it's not your fault.It's just the way This world was taught.So live on, live on,Don't you give up here.It gets better later,The light is near.I believe in you,I know you can make it.I'll reach out my hand,If you need it, just take it.You're special, You're important,You're not invisible,You exist, And you'll be fine.
Can I?I told himI loved him,And that IWanted himTo be happy.But can IReally sayI'm okayWhen he looksAt herWith loveIn his eyes?
She's A StarShe's like a star.From earth,The star is calm,So beautiful, so serine.But in realityIt's exploding,It's not calm at all.That's her,Outside, she's'Okay, good, great,'But insideShe's collapsing.
UnspokenFor the loveI never shared.For the thingsI'll never tell.For all the secretsBig and small.For the timesI ignored the calls.For all the wordsI left unspoken.I'm now drowningIn my emotions.
She's a WriterShe sits at her deskHer headphones in,The world shut out.She bleeds for othersAs words fly from Her mind to her fingertips.She stares at the screen,At every little comment,The good and the painful.She forms her emotionsInto books and poemsTo throw away the hurt.She's a writer,And her best weaponsAre her mind and her pen.
Bitter LifeI'm calling out loudly,But they look past, proudly.My sober, bitter wordsFall on deaf ears, unheard.I'm falling down fast,This breath may be my last.This hurts, and I'm dying,But no one is crying.
What I've LearnedIf there's anything learnedFrom this life I've lived,It'd that everyone leaves,Nothing is permanent,And love doesn't exist.
KidsWe're just kids, that grew up too fast.Due to expectations and isolations.Adaptations, illustrations, separations.It's not how it used to be.I wonder will it last?One words replies,No surprise,Now it's lies, cries, guys and skinny thighs.Oh I despise, but I'll advise,Do not trust a soul.Blasting music in our ears,Hiding from the sneers and leers,They're picking on the queers.Aren't they our peers?Alone, and other feelings I've never known.Upgrade your phone.Dye your hair a darker tone.Wear cologne and dig the drone.Welcome to the cool zone.Background chatter,Break and clatter.Always saying,"I'm fine." or "it doesn't matter."Am I flatter or fatter?Definitely the latter.Watch my heart shatter,And the pieces scatter.Cause we're just kids, who grew up too fast.Due to expirations and deprivations.Situations, innovations, realizations.It's not like it used to be.Now we're an outcast.
ShatteredIf I found you, on your knees,trying desperately to collect the shattered pieces of your heart-I would kneel beside you and help you pick them up.I would not cast a blind eye,and pretend I had not seen you.If I saw that your hands had been cut,by the very shards of hope you were trying so hard to gather-I would take your hands in mine, and hold them until the pain subsided.Then I would kiss every wound- no matter how big or how small,until I was sure you would be able to use your hands again.If you were crying from the fear that you'd never be able to pick up everything,I would hold you until your tears stopped, and I would comfort you with gentle words.But I would not lie to you- I would never lie.The heart is a frail thing- once shattered, it can never be fully repaired.Parts will remain missing, and the mended hope will always bear cracks.If we found that we'd gathered all that we were able,and that there were a fine powder remaining of what we could not collect.I w
Nothing But A PuppetI am nothing but a puppet,A thing that you control.A simple wooden toy,I do not have a soul.I am nothing but a puppet,Someone to do your bidding.Your demands from my body,Relentless, unforgiving.I am nothing but a puppet,Your fingers pull my strings.They pull in all directions,Twisting, tangling.I am nothing but a puppet,My strings down by my sides,Trailing closely right behind me,My eternally bounding ties.
Yeah.Yeah, I've got some problems––let's call them, endearing.Yeah, I've got some fears––let's call them, quirky.Yeah, I've got some faults––let's call them, charming.Yeah, I make some mistakes––let's call them, character.You can romanticize it all you want, I'm still fucked up––but hey, that's personality.© Rocio Belinda Mendez
No MoreHe can't chase her demons anymore.they're running him into the ground,as he seeks her in shadows.Every time she lets him in,Hell takes her from behind...and swallows her whole.Left crushing the ashes of what was,between desperate fingertipsas the disillusionment chuckles in the corner.She cries "save me,"but he can't walk those weary miles, and what's more;she doesn't really want him to.Wavering in and out, always just beyond reach.......mirage oasis dancing on a dark horizon,weeping for want of water.He turns to look at the Road behind,realizing he's lost his own way in seeking hers,berated and bumbling from the Beaten Path.So when you turn around and he's not there,you won't know why at first......you might cry...but it'll come to you.And as the wind kisses your cheeks,while the monsters mumble in your mind......remember me.
A Darkness so DeepThere cold so deep that it needs more than heatA cold that goes beyond your skinIn your bones and in your soulWhen the wind has frozen you for so longNot even fire can warm youThere an exhaustion so heavy that it needs more than sleepWhen you’ve gone without sleepWithout rest and without breakFor so long you knowThat not even a day aloneWill keep it from weighing you downThere is a loneliness so strong that it needs more than loveA strange feeling that persistsDespite friends despite familyIt lives so long you’ve forgottenWhat it’s like to have a friendAnd even with those you loveA line is drawn, a connection cannot be hadThere is a sadness so pure that it needs more than joyWhen even on the brightest dayAnd in your greatest momentsA smile feels faked, with nothingBut a cold emptiness insideLike a sepulchrePainted in the brightest coloursA perfect face you showA forced smile will come too easyAffection you do not feel,Warmth that is never t
Atelophobia Atelophobia The word sticks to my tongue like cotton candyThe sweet, fluffy combination of lettersstruggling to embody a correct connotationAnd even the dictionary definition seems sugarcoated:"Fear of imperfection."Is that what they say when I'm up until 3am,editing my English paper for the umpteenth timeThe tick-tock tick-tock of the clockpromptly proliferating the roomAnd I just sit there changing good to great,and peaceful to quiescent,hoping that my teacher will be drunk in his bungalowwhile he grades my chicken-scratch calligraphyAnd he’ll see stars instead of how horrid it isOr is that the word they use,when I struggle to consume a 25-calorie chunk of chocolatebecause I just know it will go straight to my hips,or when I step on the scaleand watch the black dashes zoom bylike a carousel spinning,And as the twirling and whirling makes me sick,I know throwing up still won’t make me thinAnd is that the term they mutterwhen I'm sob
Liquor is one way out an'death's the other The art of growing up,is to pour shots of whiskey into your coffee in the morningto make it throughthe day.when all you want to dois lie in bedinstead,but there’s nothingbeautifulabout thateither.
The Silent KillerLike a ghost in the nightA white shadow in the darknessSilent as the graveIt hunts you.Teeth like daggers,Claws like knifes,Eyes of an Eagle,It stalks you.It can hear your heart quickenIt can smell your fear.Better run nowIts after you.Its faster than youIt enjoys the chaseOne bite and its overIts playing with you.Its breath is on your neckIts growl is a whisper in your earIts ready to pounce.So tell meWho's afraid of the big bad wolf?
The Kind of PersonI’m the kind of personWho would kill to rememberBut would die to forget;Who has done awful thingsBut finds solace in regret.I’m the kind of personWho doesn’t like peopleBut is desperate for friends;Who loves new beginningsBut fears oncoming ends.I’m the kind of personWho aches to be lovedBut knows love is a lie;Who wants to feel aliveBut is longing to die.I’m the kind of personWho dreams of a futureBut is stuck in the past;Who always plays to winBut is eternally last.I'm the kind of personWho smiles at the sunBut is burning with cold;Who wants to stay youngBut is already too old.I’m the kind of personWho expects the worstBut tries to keep hope;Who is good with a bladeBut will end it with rope.
Another Fallen OneThere was a lady on telly today,Talking from a land far away;Her kid had died,Torn apart from the inside.The kid had hung herself in the family bathroom.The lady was crying,You could hear her heart dyingAnd mine did too.I could've been that kid,What with all the things I didAnd my family could've been her;Left with nothing but despair.I envy the kidFor doing what she did.I thank the kid,Making me think about what I nearly did.I mourn the kid,Gone because of what others did.Don't ever think you wouldn't be missed,Because there's always that personWho'll miss you,Praying you'll pull throughUntil memories of your smile is all they have.
Take It All Away.There’s a tear between each smile and a fracture on my heartAnd a thousand feelings breaking me and tearing me apartKnowing when it’s over I may lose my sanityEmbrace the mess I am and the storm inside of meIn the dark I have a chance to fight away my problemsTo ignore them all away instead of trying to solve themAll I saw when I looked back was a mass of insecurityLaying waste to who I am and ripping at the seamLowering my already non-existent self-esteemAnd I couldn’t help admitting I’m a self-made failureWalking a broken path as a second-hand saviorAnd it all adds up to nothing; me in a nutshellYanking on the chain that tethers me to hell…
I Apologize For My ArtI apologize for my poetryFor its utter lack of sincerityFor taking and stating viewsThat no one even asked of meThat ,though my words try their hardestThat they'll never understand The pain they try to express...The feelings they make blandThrough my attempts to describeThe tears that I'll never cry,The small fears placedUpon the wings of fliesIn the hope they can be swatted away.I apologize for my poetryFor its utter inability To protect you from its own fallacies.I apologize for my artFor its utter lack of heartIt asks for to believe in itBegs for you to love its messageAnd offers to comfort youAnd advise you on damageIt could never truly know,And for that I apologize.But I won't apologize for trying...I won't apologize for trying to understandFor trying to transcribe their ink dripped hearts.I won't apologize for tryingTo use my words to try And empathize with that young girl With bottle of pillsTrying to think a reason not t
Asperger SyndromeAsperger Syndrome is awesome.Asperger Syndrome is cool.Asperger Syndrome rocks.People with Asperger Syndrome are sweet but not that outgoing.People with Asperger Syndrome have their interests.People with Asperger Syndrome have their pet peeves too.People with Asperger Syndrome are quirky.People with Asperger Syndrome sometimes have other problems too.People with Asperger Syndrome have feelings.People with Asperger Syndrome are people too.
True HappinessHappiness isn’t about your deepest wishes coming trueNeither is it about getting what you want when you want it.It’s about appreciating all you have, while you still can.Happiness is more than just a chemical reaction in our brains.It is pure to the core, uncontaminated by passion or appetite.Happiness is simplicity - finding the beauty in the little things in life,The things that mean more to us than anything else in the entire world.Happiness is, above all, a necessity of life.Nobody can ever be truly void of joy, and if you beg to differJust know, that sometimesIt takes getting everything you’ve ever wantedAnd then losing it allTo know what true happiness is.
It Isn't BeautifulI used to cut myself.Some of the marks faded,But some stayedAnd now I’m forever jaded.People have kissed my scars,Others have turned awayBut here is what I have to say;It isn’t beautiful.When it hurts to walkBecause your thighs are bleeding,When you can’t talkAbout the help you’re needing;It isn’t beautiful.When it’s boiling outsideBut you have to wear sleevesBecause of your bloody littleReprieves;It isn’t beautiful.When your friendsAre scared of you,For you,Of the things you do;It isn’t beautiful.When you feel so worthless,So down and out,Used up and empty,And all you do is shoutBut nobody hears,Because you silence itWith sleeves;It isn’t beautiful.When they find outAnd you see how much,How deeply they careAnd they hate themselvesFor not being aware;It isn’t beautiful.When they take it away,And monitor youAnd you’re itching all over,Desperate for it,For one last hitAnd you
I'm lyingI'm fucking fine.Just dandy my dear.Though my wrist are torn,my lips sewed shut,my heart crumbled on the flooras I curl up in a tiny corner.I'm still fine.I am taking my medicine.I'm doing what you want.I am crying myself to sleep at night.I'm just fine.I have a smile on my face.I have my sleeves pulled down.I am standing here, aren't I?I'm fine.Why don't you believe me?Everything is okay.How are you today?Oh, me? I'm just fine.but I'm lying again.
Maybe...?Maybe it was never meant to be?Maybe I just imagined it? Maybe I am only lying to myself?Maybe I'm just pretending to be in love?Maybe it was never real...? But then you smile,then you laugh. But then you show me,that you truly try in your own ways. Maybe one day,you will feel the same Maybe one day,I can tell you to your face those three words...But until then...I'll fake a smile.I'll try to laugh without any worries.I'll pretend as if what I'm feeling isn't true...So that maybe one day,I can hold your hand...So that I can smile,laugh,cry,be angry over stupid things,and overall be happy.
The OutcastHe stands aloneOver in the corner,Watching the othersAs they only ignore him.She stands aloneIn the girls stall,Tears in her eyes As she tries to calm down.They stand alone,Outside the crowd,Watching the worldGo by without them.